Addicted is Addicting

I recently gave up "sober" dependent smoking. By "sober"  I mean while I am not intoxicated from alcohol. I knew it was killing my wallet/bank account and also slowly killing me. I am not afraid to admit that I was addicted. I couldn't go more than three hours with out that white cancer stick in my right hand between my fore fingers. Finally , it hit me harder than before.... why am I doing this?


It was the morning of September 13th, and I woke up to a mouth tasting like an ashtray. I got to the shower before a large coughing fit ensued. I just said out loud, " That's it for smoking." I wrote it down to as incentive and placed in on my desk as a reminder.


I haven't quit entirely. Don't get me wrong. I had been smoking since Gr9 and to just up and quit , that is hard to do. So, I made some rules. For starters , I kept 4 smokes as reserve smokes. If i really needed to calm my nerves, I was allowed to have one. If I was extremely mad , upset or aggravated , I was allowed to have one. Lastly, if i just rocked a test or presentation, my reward was a cigarette. As low as that sounds to have a cigarette as a prize for good work , you have to realize the way the "addicted human mind" works.  I needed these rules to keep myself in line .


So , here I am, 29 days into this clean slate and I have had 3 smokes since then. I have had 2 "not-sober" smokes . I was too intoxicated to care which is never a good thing. The other one was because I had to fork over 580$ to Canadian Tire to fix my *explicit* truck. That *explcit* truck has been through so much with me in the country and for it to break down in the *explicit* city.... WOW... I needed that smoke. Wait.. needed?....or wanted?...

I think I have done well enough up to date so I might have to go out and have one now.... HA. Just joking. 

Boy could Terry and Deaner go for a smoke right now...